Dear Ella, April 5th 2013

Dear Ella,

Oh my goodness we've had some fun the past few weeks!!!  You have celebrated St. Patrick's Day.  We had a pot of gold hunt at Grandma Miller's.  We've celebrated Easter.  We went on an Easter Egg Hunt (your first one!) with Kes and Jay, then had Easter dinner at Grandma Pinson's house.  You've been swimming a couple of times, and you are OBSESSED with the slide!  Such a brave girl :)  You've also been to the zoo twice just this week!  We like to keep it active, you and me :)  We've also been on a couple of family hikes.  These you are not so sure of yet, because the entrance to our hike is next to the park, and you pretty much just wanna play at the park, but we're workin' on it!  Unfortunately you've been a little under the weather this past week.  Let's just say your diapers are, well, disgusting.  I've washed your bedding abut four times, changed about a million diapers, and snuggled snuggled snuggled!  The last part is by FAR my favorite part of the whole "sick baby" experience ;)  Luckily your cousin Abbey was here for a few days to help out with you.  She was so excited to spend a few un-interupted days with her baby cousin Ella!!!
Daddy just got home late last night from San Diego (another business trip).  He was STOKED to see his girls!  We are gonna have a great weekend together :)  Right now he's shopping at Costco for us, because mommy wasn't up to it.  You see, I tend to snuggle and kiss you a lot when your not feeling well, and now I think I have what you've had :(  Oh well, it's worth it.  There isn't an illness in the world that would keep me from snugglin' and smoochin' your cute face. 
Oh, and you have this new thing where you glare at EVERYONE.  Not sure what that's about, but it's kinda funny.  I'll have to get a picture of it and post it so I can compare it to your teenage glare's when you're older ;)

Love you so much baby,

Mommy

Dear Ella, March 11th, 2013

Dear Ella,
Yikes! It's been almost a month since I wrote you a letter, shame on me!!  Well, I'll catch you up on some of the things we've done recently.  In the top picture, we were at a Princess Party for your friend Rishima.  She is the daughter of daddy's boss.  You had SO much fun!  You got to eat ice-cream and cake (which almost never happens) and you made lots of new friends.  You even met a real Princess!!  Although your favorite part was a little boy named Ryder......you were following him around everywhere and calling him "honey". Hmmmm.....should I be worried that you already love boys???  In the middle picture, we were getting ready to go swimming at the Rec Center.  I absolutely am in love with this picture of you.  It shows off your beauty and cute personality!  We had a ton of fun swimming with Aunt Shelisa, Jaden and Kess.  You were even brave enough to jump off the edge of the pool into my arms!  In the bottom pic, we are at a place called Kangaroo Zoo.  I think this is your favorite place right now.  It's just a ton of bouncy gyms and big slides.  You run around like a crazy girl here!  We have been three or four times already, and I have a feeling we'll be going a lot more ;)
Last week mommy and daddy celebrated their 7 year wedding anniversary.  We went to dinner as a family and then Grandma Miller came over and played with you while me and daddy went to a movie.  We can't get through a date together without talking about you!  You are such an important part of our family.  You are loved kid!!!
Sunday we went for a family walk.  We walked to a little park and you played on the toys there.  You had your daddy beaming with pride when you were able to hang onto the monkey bars without help!  Today we started potty training.  It's ok if you don't catch on this time, but we are gonna start trying!! Mommy is not a fan of your diapers anymore!!! And I think youre smart enough to learn to go in the potty within the next 6 months.
You are such a fun little girl.  You love to be busy busy busy, but then also love to chill out in front of a good cartoon as well.  Lately we've been snuggling in mommy and daddy's bed right after you wake up.  I gotta say, I used to dream about doing this with my kid before I had you!  It's the best feeling to have this sweet, semi-groggy little girl in her jammies cuddling you at 7am.  Nothing better in the whole world!!
Love you tons and tons and tons, and then some more.  You are the best little girl a mommy could have!!!

Love,
Mommy

Dear Ella, February 19th, 2013

Dear Ella,

Well, this is the first chance I've gotten to sit down at the computer since Valentines Day, but I didn't want to miss the opportunity to tell you some of the reasons why I ADORE you.
When I look at you, I feel joy.  Genuine, pure, joy.  I love the shape your face takes when you smile.  Doesn't matter if it's a laughing smile, or a forced smile, or a playful smile.  It makes your eyes light up and does something to me that I can't explain.  I love your kind spirit.  You really know how to make your Mommy and Daddy feel so loved.  As much as I will complain about when you wake up in the middle of the night, there is something really special about these times too.  It's the only time that you really, really hold on to me.  I'll come in and lift you out of your crib and sit down in our rocking chair.  You usually are grasping onto your blankie with one arm, and the other one wraps tightly around my neck.  You pull my face down into yours and let out a little sigh, like that's the best thing in the world, to be so close to me.  I. Love. It.  Even when I'm so tired I can't see straight, I love this moment.  I love watching you and your Daddy together.  You guys have such an amazing, special relationship!  When you hear the garage door open at the end of the day, you say "Garage door......DADDY!!!" You spend the next two hours chasing him around and wrapping him around your pinkie finger.  I love this interaction.  I love your intelligence.  You are SO DANG SMART!! I may be biased, but I think you are the smartest little girl on the planet.  You will tell me words and sentences that I don't recall teaching you.  It really makes me realize that you are so aware of your surroundings, and makes me want to be sure to surround you with good, positive things, because you are soaking it all in like a little sponge.  I love that you love to have your tummy and legs tickled in the morning when I change you out of your jammies.  Sometimes you will let your mouth fall open and your eyes will kinda roll into the back of your head because it feels so darn good!  This makes me laugh out loud, you are so funny!  I love your confidence.  I PRAY that this stays with you as you grow older.  Right now, when your Mommy and Daddy tell you how special you are, you believe us.  I hope you always will and that you will grow to KNOW within yourself that you are special and amazing.  I love when you sing.  You love to twirl around and sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star".  You know every single word, and you DO NOT like to get help from your Mommy or Daddy when you are singing!  I love you spirit!  It bursts out of you in this beautiful light and it makes me feel so blessed to just be around you, and be your Mommy.  You are my special little girl, my beautiful Valentine, and I love you!

Mommy

Dear Ella, February 13, 2013

Dear Ella,

This past week has been MUCH better for you :)  You are all better and happy as can be!  Last Saturday, daddy took us on a family date to City Creek Mall.  We met his boss and his family there, and we had fun looking at the fish in the creek, then your favorite part, THE DISNEY STORE!  You love the Disney store because you're obsessed with Mickey and Minnie Mouse right now.  You got to color in front of the big screen, then Mommy and Daddy picked you out a special Mickey Mouse cup to drink your smoothies out of in the morning :)  The pictures above are of me and you before Daddy to us out.  After the Disney store we went to Kneaders for dinner.  You pretty much just ate your grapes (you call them beeps).  Today has been tons of fun so far.  This morning, cousin Zoe came and played for about an hour, then we went to story time at the Library.  This is the first time we've done that, and you LOVED it!  We will probably do that every Wednesday now.  Then Kes and Jay came over and you are all taking a rest now.
You are getting a lot better and saying your please and thank-you's.  I love how polite you are!  Although you are still hitting and kicking, and I just don't know what I'm gonna do about that.  I hope that you will grow out of it soon.  I've tried all sorts of discipline, and none of it's working :(
Your sleep got pretty messed up when you got croup, but you are getting back to your normal routine, which is good!!! Mommy needs her sleep!  I've also started taking you to Grandma Miller's for a few hours on Tuesday mornings, cuz Mommy decided she needed some "Mommy" time.  Not that I don't love being with you all the time, but I'm a much nicer Mommy if I get breaks every once in a while ;)  You like going, because cousins Jude and Molly are there on Tuesday mornings too.
Well baby,  as always I love you SOOOOO much!  There is a new song that we sing at night called "Songbird", and I especially love the lyrics towards the end of the song that say "And I wish you all the love in the world, but most of all, I wish it from myself".  I do hope that I can be the most loving mommy to you.  Sorry about the times when I lose my head and get grumpy with you :(  I'm working on it!!!!

Love you baby,

Mommy

Dear Ella 2.4.13

Dear Ella,

Oh baby baby baby, today was not a great day.  Let's start with yesterday (sunday).  You woke up with a cough and a slight fever, but you seemed ok.  Daddy stayed home from church with you, while I went.  I got a calling today (kind of an activities planner), which I was excited about.  When I got home you and Daddy were playing and you seemed great!  We had Grandma and Papa Miller over for the Superbowl game.  Around 5:00pm you started to get really grumpy.  But you went to bed great, so that was good!  Until 12:30am.....coughing so bad and so sad :(  I went in and rocked you until 2:30am.  Then you woke up again at 3:30am.  Then again at 4:00am.  At this point, I just got in your crib with you and snuggled you for the next three hours. (pays to be a small person sometimes!)  Zoe came over today and you guys seemed pretty good.  Zoe still has a cough too.  Well, Zoe went home and you went down for your nap at the regular time (12:40pm).  Unfortunately, you woke up at 1:25pm.  Very short nap.  You were having such a hard time breathing and you were sooooooo sad :(  It made mommy cry to see you so upset.  So I wrapped you up in some blankies and we went outside so you could breathe in some cold air.  Because at this point, I'm realizing you have croup, again.  You had it a couple of months ago too.  When you had it before, I took you to Dr. Doug and he gave you some steroids to take.  I gave you two doses that day and two doses again the next day.  It turned you into the Angry Incredible Hulk.  I swore I wouldn't give you steroids again.  Until I heard you not being able to breathe today.  So I had Papa Miller bring over the steroids (only gave you half a dose and am not gonna give you any in the day), and he and your Daddy gave you a Priesthood blessing.  This made Mommy feel A LOT better.  I love that your Daddy and Papa can help you in this way.  I know that you will feel a lot better tomorrow because of this.  I'm trying not to be too sad about you being sick, but it's hard because I love you so stinkin' much that it REALLY SUCKS seeing you hurt and feel crummy :(  But, I think, I know that tomorrow will be a better day.  You tried so hard to be happy today, even though you felt awful.  I really admire that.  You are Mommy's angel and I LOVE LOVE LOVE you!  Right now it's 8:30pm, you've been asleep for two hours and I haven't heard any coughing yet, so that's promising.  I have also rubbed every essential oil possible all over your chest, back and feet, and have it diffusing in your room.  I've got all my bases covered! Medical, holistic, and spiritual!  Can you tell I want you to feel better ASAP?
Well baby girl, here's to a better day tomorrow!  We'll have lots of fun :)

Love,

Mommy

Dear Ella 2/2/2013

Dear Ella,

I gotta say, looking at the picture above, you've got THE cutest smile in the whole entire universe!  Even covered in cookies it is beautiful :)  Today you went to your Uncle Ben's house and took a nap and played with Jay Jay while mommy and your Aunt Shelisa and cousin Keslee went to a baby shower.  Uncle Ben said you didn't nap very long, but that doesn't surprise me.  It's been a long time since you've had to nap away from home!  But you are still holding strong to the 13 hours at night, and I REALLY appreciate that!  It's so nice to sleep in until after 7:30am, and me and your daddy can stay up later too, since we don't have to wake up with you at 5:45am anymore. Tomorrow is the Superbowl and we are going to have your Grandma and Grandpa Miller over.  I'm sure you are going to love that :)  You love when people come over to your house to visit.  Notice I said "your" house.  Because lets be honest, you rule this place.  Me and daddy try to pretend that we are in charge, but you put us in our place. You got mad today because I wouldn't get your playdough down, but you've been grounded from playdough until you stop HITTING.  You've been doing this nasty little habit for a couple of months now.  I guess it's better than biting, but I still don't like it.  You are such a nice girl, so I'm not sure why you hit. 
Right now, you are upstairs rocking with daddy reading books and getting ready for bedtime.  You love when your daddy puts you to bed.  You used to only let mommy do it, but now you actually prefer daddy.  Don't worry, it doesn't make me feel bad :)  I love how much you guys love each other!!  Well, hope you sleep great tonight baby!

Love,

Mommy

Dear Ella.....1/30/13

Dear Ella,

I'm writing these letters to you because you and I are spending A LOT of time together lately!!  I decided to stay home with you every day so I didn't have to see your crying face in the morning ever again.  It broke my heart!!  So, here we are, two ladies who love the junk out of each other, figuring out our daily groove.  Let me tell you some things about you right now.  You are 21 months old.  You talk like a 3 year old, which means you are VERY VERY smart :)  Some things that you love are your mommy and daddy, raisins, being outside, and Mickey Mouse.  Our days usually start out with you getting up around 7:30am (oh yeah, you sleep 13 hours at night, that's so awesome!) and we go downstairs and eat breakfast.  You love scrambles eggs, green smoothies, and my homemade protein waffles.  Then we watch some of your favorite shows.  Somewhere in between the morning hours, you cry your head off because Daddy goes to work.  You LLLOOVVEE your Daddy and it makes you so sad to see him leave :(
Lately we have been going outside to play in the snow.  We've gotten so much this week!!!  You would stay outside all day if I let you, but I'm so mean and make you come in to take a nap.  You nap from 1:00 to 2:30pm.  Then we usually play toys or whatever.  You are quite the sassy child these days.  In fact, sometimes you drive me down right crazy!!  You get some sick twisted joy out of hitting and kicking me, even though I make you go to timeout every time it happens.  And you love to tell me "NO!!"  I often ask myself if I'm doing it right, raising you.  You'll have to let me know when you get older how I did ;)

As of lately, we have also had lots of cousin time.  Zoey comes over a lot.  You guys really love playing together, even though you fight a lot too.  Mostly over toys.  Jayden and Keslee come over twice a month too.  You sometimes pretend Kes is your mommy.  She really likes this :) 
Today we had ALL of these cousins over!  You are napping right now.  We went outside and played in the snow, the had lunch and played with toys.  You were pooped!
Baby, I hope you know (I hope I tell you enough) how much I love you.  It may be hard to remember sometimes when I'm grumpy, or yelling (I'll try not to do that), but I do.  I love you SOOO much!  I want you to know how beautiful and smart and brave you are.  You are part of a very select group of little girls.  You have a Mommy AND a Daddy who love you and would do anything for you.  You also have 16 cousins who love and adore you, 15 aunts and uncles who think you are the cutest thing ever, two Grandma's who would steal you from me if I wasn't looking, two Grandpa's who turn to putty in your hands, and you even have one two Great Grandma's who have stuck around on this earth longer than most, probably just to be able to spend some time with you.  You are SOOOO LOVED!!
Well kiddo, this letter has got to end, because you have awoken from your nap and are demanding my snuggles, which I am happy to oblige ;)

Love you baby,

Mommy

Oh Ella......

What else do I ever blog about?  On Friday, it was one of those "I'm gonna document the whole day" type of days.  She is growing and changing so fast, I feel like if I don't capture her on camera on a regular basis, she will slip right through my fingers and I'll never remember the "good ol' days".  I just know that I'm gonna blink and she's gonna be a hormonal, moody teenager who wants nothing to do with me :(  But for now....heaven.

If this is not Adam's mini-me, I don't know what is!!!  My only hope is that as she gets older, she gets his freckles too.  It's one of my favorite things about Adam :)

In the middle shot, she was yelling "HANDS!!"  I really love when she does this, there's just nothing better than that little hand in yours, clinging on just because they want to be near you.

I had a rare Friday off, so we finally got to go to play group at the church.  We didn't know it was dress up, darn it!  Ella especially loved "Pin the nose on the pumpkin".  Girl loves her pumpkins!



Like I said, loves pumpkins!



We went to Mueller Park when Daddy got home from work.  I had no idea there was going to be so much snow up there!  Ella loved looking at the stream from the bridge, and she really loved stomping in that puddle!

These pictures make me want to cry everytime I look at them.  I LOVE how much Daddy and Ella love each other!  I mean, come on!!! Doesn't the one on the left melt your heart to mush!!!

Some beautiful scenary at Mueller Park.  I love the contrast of the snow and leaves.

Oh man, Ella can JUMP!  She will point to the trampoline from the window and say "BUMP! BUMP!"

Kitty has gotten so very patient with this one.  Ella loves to snuggle up to Kitty and say "Nice.."  Kitty gets extra back scratches when she's so nice to my baby :)

California happened

Yeah.  California happened.  I never blogged about it because..  A) I didn't take any pictures because on the second day we were there, my camera fell out of my pocket into the ocean.  B) I just plain didn't get to it.  So, I wanted to document that it DID in fact happen.  We left August 1st and stayed a week.  It was really such a fun trip.  My bro Randy hooked us up with our hotel.  It was right on the beach and had a great pool and two hot-tubs.  The funnest thing we did while we were there was went deep sea fishing.  I was one of maybe 4 girls on the boat, which I think held about 35 people!  But I was happy because I caught fish :)  This pic below was taken with Adam's I-Phone, and he's not big on taking pic's, so it was pretty much the only picture we have from the trip.  Oh well! 

Ella stayed with my sister Amy and her girls Abbey and Sophie.  They took SUCH good care of her and sent me pic's every day.  Adam and I missed her like C-R-A-Z-Y!!!  But I'm not gonna lie, it was heaven sleeping in for 6 days straight :)  Below are the pic's that Amy sent me while we were away.  Pretty sure Ella didn't even notice we were gone with all the fun she was having ;)

Yep, even I can catch fish!!!  It was amazing to be on the ocean all day.  I did have to take a few naps, that rocking really puts a girl to sleep!



On the left, Ella waiting to go to church with Aunt Amy.  On the right, Ella trying on cousin Zach's shoes.




Amy managed to get a pig-tail in Ella's hair!!! This was her first ever pig-tail!




Amy was nice enough to make Ella green smoothies ;)  Girl loves her green smoothies!




Sophie helped with nap times :)



Can you tell that she loves swimming?  Anything that involves being outside, really.  Thank you SOOOOO much Skinner girls for taking such great care of Ella!!  She had an amazing time :)



Gorgeous girl

 Oh man I have SO much to blog about, but life is a wee bit busy these days.  Some recent updates:  I WENT PART TIME!!! I haven't worked part time, like, ever.  Not to brag or anything, it's just always been necessary for me to have a full time job.  With Adam working so hard, and really growing in his position, I've been able to go part-time.  Which enables me to do more worthwhile things, like spend time with my gorgeous daughter!  Something Ella and I have begun doing is going on "Grandma-Great dates".  We take Adam's Grandma Irene out a couple of days a month and run errands and go to lunch.  She is going on 91 and legally blind, and only has one child living near by, so she doesn't get out as much as she'd like.  We really love spending time with her and hearing all her great stories!  I also get to go to the Temple with my mom once a month now, which is always awesome :)  But mainly, I just love watching Ella grow and learn.  She is just SO STINKIN' SMART!  She is very talkative and curious about the world around her.  Her new favorite thing to do is yell "Hands!!" and I then proceed to give her my hand and she drags me around wherever she wants to go.  The other day it was up the hill, down the hill, then down the even bigger hill and back up again! (we live on the east benches in Bountiful).  She still loves to rough house with her daddy, and she loves cutting teeth (NOT!!).  I think we are getting closer and closer to being done with teething though, they all have just been coming at once.  Oh, and dare I forget to mention she LOVES LOVES LOVES watching "Backyardagains".  She runs around the house singing " Yo yo yo fends...da da da againths!" Which his her rendition of the theme song.  I don't feel too bad letting her watch it a lot because it's very musical and creative.  Yeah, she likes watching TV, but she loves being outside more, so I'm not too worried (yet).  Adam has been traveling quite a bit for work.  We always miss him a lot when he's gone :(  He's going to New York in December and I've informed him that I'm coming with!  I don't know if he's taking me seriously or not, but I'm goin'!  Well, I won't ramble on too long.  I've got a lot more pics/info to post, but I'll save it for later.  Enjoy the pictures of my gorgeous daughter :)



1st and 4th generation Miller girls :)




The middle pic, she's growling at the lion on TV.  The one on the right, she had her first ring-pop, thus the blue tongue ;)



The kissy face is my favorite :)

It blows my mind how much she grows and learns every day!  I have no idea where my baby went, but the little girl who has taken her place sure is amazing! 

Just for fun

I can't believe the summer is almost over.  This summer has been such a blast.  Last year, Ella was still too little to REALLY enjoy the joys summer held, so this year has been thrilling watching her REALLY experience everything for the first time.  This girl would live outside if we let her. One of the fun parts of her week is when her cousins Keslee and Jayden come over every other Wednesday.  Here are just a few pics I took this past week, enjoy :) 

I just thought she looked like a little princess on Sunday.  She melts my heart man!

 Kes and Jay snugglin' up and watching Tangled.  If I squint my eyes, this looks like Ben and me back in the day :)

 We went in the backyard and picked apples.  They all just sat there on the steps and munched, it was THE cutest thing!

  These girls are gonna be best friends, I just know it :)  Kes is such a good helper with Ella!

Those eyes!! 

Parenting....

So I was at dinner with Adam the other night for my birthday (oh yeah, had a birthday, turned 28, whoo hoo).  I was discussing with him how I feel SO MUCH pressure (mainly self-inflicted) to be the perfect parent.  He thinks it's completely normal, but I wonder!  I can honestly fill up hours in the day thinking about how I am raising Ella.  Am I feeding her correctly?  Is what I'm feeding her keeping her healthy, or unknowingly going to cause her cancer 20 years down the road?  Am I reacting properly to her new little mis-behaviors? Am I away from her too much, or is it really good for her to be around other people through-out the week?  Am I spending enough time focusing on teaching her how to grow up to be a nice human being? These are the kinds of thoughts that churn around and around and around in my head on a regular basis.  Am I the only one that obsesses about these sort of things?  I think I read about seven (yes seven) sleep books when Ella was a newborn.  I've read books and blogs on nutrition, and now have started reading "Love and Logic Parenting".  Ironically, one of the chapters begins by telling the parent that raising a child is not rocket science, just keep it simple and fun.  Ha!  Good advise, but I have a hard time following the "keep it simple" part.  The "fun" part comes quite easily to me, considering that Ella is such a happy little girl.  I flip-flop between being totally excited for her to grow up and experience life, and being utterly terrified for her to grow up and experience life.  So, not really looking for advise here, but just wondering if any of you out there feel similarly about raising a child.  Am I the only COMPLETELY OBSESSED parent out there?!

10 year reunion

Last night I attended my 10 year High school reunion.  I was so glad that I went, it was so nice to spend a night with a lot of my girlfriends!  Above is a picture (left to right) of me, Rachel, Brittney, Alison, Nicole and Helina.  I didn't know Nicole in High school, but she was super nice and fun to talk to last night.  Adam came with me, but about an hour and a half into it, his back really started to bug him, so I sent him home and I stuck around for the rest of the night.  They had a nice dinner, slide show, raffle and musical performance.  Then there was just a lot of visiting, reminiscing, and lots of laughing!  There were a lot of people who did NOT come (you know who you are!) that I would have loved to have there, but it was still a great night with these fun girls :)  The picture is pretty shotty, I had wanted to bring my camera and take some NICE pictures, but Adam said, "Oh we'll just use the I-phone....they take great pictures..."  Well, I beg to differ.  And the iphone left when Adam did, so this is the only picture I have unfortunately.  Maybe once they post some on the Viewmont website I'll steal them and post some more :)

On a lighter note.....

 Well, the last post was a bit deep, but I gotta throw those ones in every once in a while, right?  This is just going to be your typical, light, picture filled post :)  Starring my favorite little person in the whole world, Ella of course!  We had a really nice 4th of July.  Me, Ella, Adam and Lloyd got up early and went to a flag raising ceremony at the church.  Then we went to the Miller family cabin up in Lambs canyon for a barbecue.    Later that night, me and Ella went to my parents for a visit while Adam rested up for his surgery the next day.
Oh yea, Adam had back surgery!  He had what is called a micro-discectomy on 7/5.  They basically went in and removed the part of the disc in his lower back that was hitting a nerve, which has been causing him severe pain for the last year.  He is doing well now and excited to be rid of that nerve pain!  And now......pictures :)

I just thought this was hilarious, I mean, who would think a girl would get so passionate about green smoothies?!  

Ella and cousin Molly at the South Davis Rec. Center.  Ella was loving it, until she slipped and bonked her head on the concrete :(  She recovered quickly though.  Need to get her some swim shoes!!

4th of July at the cabin.  I LOVE this picture of Ella and Adam, they love each other so much!  And, do you love my Pinterest inspired fruit trays?!  I was pretty proud of myself :)

Ella and Zoey swimming at my moms on the 4th.  Give Ella some water, and she's a happy girl!

Honesty

Way back when I started this blog, I promised to be honest.  I promised to post the good with the bad, so that I don't falsely portray an image of a perfect life that would make other's feel bad about theirs.  Well, I have had a "bad" and a "good", so here goes.  As I was sitting in my car today during lunch having myself a good cry, this song came on the radio (yeah, I still listen to the radio, I'm old school like that).  I just wanted to share the lyrics because they touched me and made me feel better.

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel “not good enough"
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction, oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless, and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an Angel, fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees 


In the arms of an Angel, fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel, may you find some comfort here.




I was entering the grocery store on Friday, and before I could get in I heard an old man say from behind me "That sure is a beautiful baby you've got there".  I turned around to see who was saying it, and kind of had my breath taken away.  This man was a spitting image of my late Grandpa Pinson.  I mean, he didn't just sort of resemble him, he looked just like him.  He talked to me for a minute, telling me about how big of a family he has and how wonderful grandbaby's and great-grandbaby's are.  He again complimented me on how sweet Ella was, then went on his way.  At first, I thought to myself..."what a cool coincidence".  But after I just heard this song, I feel a little differently.  I'm quite sure now that my Grandpa Pinson, who for some reason always had a soft spot for me, knew that I was going to have an emotionally charged weekend and paid me a little visit.  It wouldn't be the first time, just the first time while I was awake.

Over the weekend several people that I love dearly butted heads pretty hard over FB.  It left me feeling like I was stuck inbetween a rock and a hard place.  Emotionally drained and deeply saddened for the feelings that were hurt with everyone involved.  I mean, what do you do when a family member and some best friends are having at each other?  In the end I decided to bow out of it completely, deleted most of my FB contacts, aside from family members, and vowed never to get caught up in online drama ever again.  This is something that would NEVER happen face to face.  It just ridiculous that it happens online.

So, still feeling sad today, I took my lunch break in my car and had a good little cry session, when this song came on.  I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, and I could feel the hug.  Not just imagining it, but physically feel it, and I knew exactly who it was from.  I've always felt close to my Grandpa since he passed, and this was another confirmation to me that he's looking out for me and caring for me from the other side.  This may be a pretty personal thing to share on a blog, but I'm all about being honest.

In the end, it is so easy to feel "not good enough", but all you can do is be exactly who you are and hope that it's enough for those who choose to be a part of your life.

Much love to those of you who take me for who I am and love me for exactly who I am.

I

Ella (of course)

 Ella keeps me pretty buys, but I will take a couple of minutes to post a few pic's I've taken of her recently.  She is seriously the funnest little girl.  I love having a little buddy with me wherever I go :)  She has definitely developed the separation anxiety....whenever I leave her to go to work there is a full on melt-down, but from what the babysitter's tell me, it only lasts a minute or two after I'm gone :)  She will always greet you with a friendly "HI!" and a wave, sometimes she will even blow you a kiss ;)  For some weird reason she still only has two teeth, so we haven't eaten anything too crunchy at this point.  We do the low gluten, low sugar thing in my house, so she LOVES mom's homemade almond flour waffles, she LOVES greek yogurt, and she has only ever had almond milk, whole milk, and water...(ok, once or twice she's had a taste of chocolate shake, but don't tell anyone!)  I'm pretty sure she will just eat until she pukes, so I have to gauge when I think she's had enough to eat, or she'll just keep eating!  She has just really started walking the past week, she loves this new discovery.  She already tries to run, but just falls down (thank goodness!).  She is madly in love with her Dad (something we have in common) and loves loves loves to "read" books.  We keep her outside as much as possible, trying to turn her into an outdoors baby, and it's working :)  We swim, go on hikes, jump on the tramp, etc....  Yup, she's pretty awesome, that's all I gotta say.

 This little pool was the best $15 I ever spent!

 Girl loves to swing!

We sprayed the trampoline down with water and she had a blast.

I could kiss this face all day long, but she will only tolerate about two kisses and then she swats me away :(

Ella turns ONE!!!!!

    Last Tuesday, April 17th, my baby girl turned one!  I am kind of blown away at how my life has changed in just one year.  This little girl changed everything.  Adam said the other day, "What did we do before she got here?!"  She rules our life, but in a way that we love.  We wouldn't change it for anything.  So even though Adam made me swear years ago that I wouldn't throw a big party for our one year old kid, I had to do it anyways :)
    I am kind of OCD about what goes into my/Ella's body, so I have been making a lot of healthy treats and meals lately.  So for her birthday party I made some of my favorite healthy treats....( banana bread cupcakes, choco-avacado cupcakes, agave choco-chip cookes, and my favorite, coconut cream shooters! )  I have a lot of fun experimenting with healthy recipes, and it makes me happy that Ella likes them too!  Her cake was a banana cake (no sugar or gluten) topped with chocolate coconut cream frosting (again, no sugar!)  She loved it, and the looks on her face made all the work I put into it worth it.  We had a great turn out from family and friends, I felt so much love and appreciation that day!!!  I love love love my family and truly feel so blessed to have so many people there for us.
    I am not one of those mom's who says "I wish she would stay little forever"....I am quite enjoying the journey of watching her grow and develop, each new phase has something that gets me excited.  Right now she is standing up on her own, and she likes to show off and do little dances while she's standing.  Literally the happiest little girl you'll meet.  Love you Ella Sophia!!!!

 I'm not supposed to say who did the pic's, because I didn't give her time to edit them before I posted them, but "someone" was so kind as to take pic's at the party, and got these cute shots before the party began.

Ella with her birthday cake.  These faces are absolutely priceless.  After the party had kind of wound down, I saw that Ella had found the remnants of her cake and was digging in for seconds :)

Ella opening gifts with daddy.  She is spoiled!! I told people no gifts and this is what happens!!

Fun in the sun

We have really been enjoying the nice weather!  We have been hiking, swimming, and just plain ol' hanging out in the yard.  Our girl LOVES being outside.  I can't believe she is going to be one year old next month!  I think I officially realized I had a big girl and not a baby anymore when she got up to the TV and shut it off and laughed.  Seriously, it wasn't long ago I had to carry her everywhere...and now she's all over the place and handling the electronics!  She is such a happy, fun girl.  It's awesome to have a little buddy who will go places with you and hang out with you all the time!!  I can't wait to watch her cute little personality develop even more. 

Probably won't post again until after her firs birthday, so see you then :)